Can u tell me what i have?

i hate life, i hate that i was born, i wish someone would shoot me from behind so i never see it coming, im too scared to kill myself and i couldnt do that to my family, im antisocial, im stupid, im shy but sarcastic, im confused, i always make the wrong choices, i`d say good things about myself but i cant think of any, i feel depressed but i dont think i have clinical depression, i hate looking in the mirror and i dont like ppl looking at me, i feel lonely, angry and i give up but then i cant. and lastly, i love my body... if that makes any fcking sense at all... so whats my issue?? how can i fix it??