Why do i like to see my own blood? why do i like pain?

i used to cut myself about 4 months ago. the only reason i stopped is because it was leaving scars. bt i really like the feeling of cutting idk why, i'm not emo or anything in fact if you look at me you would thing i'm a very happy girl. i laugh all the time and i'm girly bt not a flirt i can be outgoing and shy at times. bt i can't find and explanation of why i like the feeling after i cut myself and i like to see my own blood . i would never harm anybody else bt it makes me feel better because i have alot of problems with my family and talking to other people does not help me. sometimes i get so frustrated because i stopped talking back to my mom and i stay quiet and all the anger builds up and cutting myself helps me wth is wrong with me?? why do i like pain ? and enjoy seeing my own blood ? please answer my questions and be mature about it don't be stupid saying stuff like you're crazy or stuff like that i'm a straight A's student and i have friends i'm not antisocial thanks to whoever is willing to help :)